My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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