i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
