Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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