when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
