I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
