as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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