there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
