think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
