so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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