I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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