"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
