Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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