she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
