Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
