xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
