Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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