My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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