I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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