How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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