Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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