wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize