I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I supernannyed him into submission
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
