8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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