just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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