I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
