wanna go halves on a baby?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
