All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i out mim tonsoeep
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