splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
