New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
