sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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