u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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