I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
