He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
zippers are such a cool invention
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
