the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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