Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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