Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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