he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
