When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Green mimosas i think yes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
