I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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