See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
