I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
