Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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