After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
