how can u be prego again
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
