i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize