no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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