I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
