next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
