The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
