And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize