i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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