mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
