Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize