my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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