i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
