why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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