I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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