I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
