Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
