help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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