so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
