Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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